Difficult days for Miscarriage Survivors

As my expected due date drew nearer and nearer, my anxiety and depression grew more and more. September 21st. The day I was supposed to be due with our first child.

When somebody loses a loved one, others are sensitive to the fact that certain holidays and dates will be harder. But when a woman loses a baby most people don't realize there's certain dates that are hard for her too. I wanted to write this post to draw attention to a few of those tough dates that miscarriage survivors have to endure.

1. The day she originally found out she was pregnant.
 For me this is January 13th. It was the happiest day of my life (other than my wedding day) but now in the future it will always be a day that reminds me of what I've lost.

2. The day she found out she had lost her baby.
This one is two fold for me as I had a missed miscarriage. March 13th will always be a dark day as it was the day I found out I lost our baby. But equally as tough? The day I had my D&C (March 18th). There's no way to erase the pain of this day and year after year I will have to relive that pain over and over again.

3. Her expected due date.

The days leading up to the EDD are agonizing. September 21st was my EDD and I couldn't help but dread it. This is perhaps the worst day for a miscarriage survivor. Knowing that this was supposed to be the day you finally got to hold your baby in your arms is heartbreaking. This was supposed to be the day you finally got to meet your little one. Instead, you get to spend it alone, no longer pregnant and not holding your child.

4. Mother's Day.

When you're the mother to a child lost, people tend to forget that you are still a mother. Yes, I don't have my child here to hold but I still am a mother to a baby in heaven. This past Mother's day I spent the day thinking about what could have been. I spent the day being angry, depressed, jealous and a whole mess of emotions.

5. The day she finds out she's pregnant again.

There will be joy, elation and happiness for the child growing inside me... But also anxiety, panic and dread that I will lose this child too. Unfortunately, any future pregnancies I will experience will be leave me paralyzed with fear and longing for the child I've lost.

6. When she finds out a friend/loved one is pregnant.
This can only be described as bittersweet. On one had you feel completely over the moon happy for your friend/loved one, but at the same time you feel insanely jealous and depressed and wish it was you.

These are just a few examples of tough dates that miscarriage survivors encounter. It's different for every woman. Some women aren't bothered by certain dates, while others are.

This list is by no means all inclusive, but it does give a good idea of how often that pain can resurface. I hope this is will help remind those who haven't suffered a miscarriage that although healing does occur, some scars just don't go away. 

Spicy Sausage Tortellini Soup

AKA My husband's new favorite soup! I adapted this recipe from Party In My Kitchen after finding it on Pinterest. This soup is so easy to make and it's super quick too. 

You can change it up to fit your tastes by adding more or less sausage and tortellini. (so for us, that means more meat to make it man friendly) 

You Will Need

One Pkg Spicy Italian Sausage

One Pkg Tortellini (approx 2-3 cups)

4 Cups Boiling Water

3 Chicken Boullion Cubes

1 Can Evaporated Milk 

1 1/2 Tbsp Oregano

1 1/2 Tbsp Chives

1 1/2 Tbsp  Parsley

Salt & Pepper

Parmesan

Step One: Brown Italian Sausage. (I like to use Johnsonville hot, but mild or medium is fine)

Step Two: Break up boullion cubes in bottom of soup pot. Add 4 cups boiling water to dissolve.

Step Three: Add sausage, evap. milk, oregano, chives, parsley, salt and pepper. Slowly bring to boiling. (approx 15-20 min)

Step Four: Once boiling, add tortellini and cook to pkg instructions. (7-9 min usually)

Step Five: Serve with fresh Parmesan.

Enjoy!

What I Wish I Knew Before I Was Married

John on our wedding day, September 7, 2012

When I walked down the aisle on my wedding day last September I had already lived with John for 4 1/2 years, been dating him for 5 years and known him for 7 years. 

I thought I knew everything there was to know about the man I was committing the rest of my life to.

I thought I knew every side of him and everything he had to offer me. 

But I was wrong.

In the first year of our marriage I have learned so much about John and he has shown me a side of him I've never even knew existed. 

I've always known John is caring, considerate, thoughtful and generous to a fault. But I never knew exactly how far it could go.

In our first year of marriage we have dealt with the joy of my first pregnancy, a devastating miscarriage, trying to conceive again, problems within our families, my parents splitting up, watching those we love dealing with cancer, addiction, depression, and every other kind of stress you can think of.

Through all of this my husband has remained a constant source of strength.

He almost always knows what to say to make me feel better (or at least calm me down).

He understands when it's the stress talking and not me.

He understands when I need to be held, when I need to be left alone and when I need to talk.

He is patient when I worry about the same things over and over.

He bases every decision upon what's best for us and our relationship.

He's constantly looking out for me and always gives me the best advice he can.

I wish I had known the first year of our marriage was going to be so rough for us emotionally and that John would be what got us through. Every day I feel more and more confident that we are meant to be together and can get through anything. (not that I didn't already know that though!)

I feel that if we can get through this first year of marriage and come out stronger, we can get through anything.

And more than anything, I feel so incredibly blessed to get to spend the rest of my life with John.

Fall 2007

Fall 2012

This past weekend John and I celebrated out first wedding anniversary with a quiet weekend away at the cabin at Lake Cushman. It was just us, the trees and peace and quiet... and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Fall Bucket List

Now that it's officially September I can post my Fall Bucket List!!! 

I'm so excited for fall to arrive!

Celebrate our first anniversary, September 7th!!!

Get lost in a corn maze

Got to a Huskies game

Host Thanksgiving

Make hot apple cider

Host a chili feed

Go hiking in the fall foliage

Drink tons of Pumpkin Lattes

Have a bon fire

Make pumpkin pancakes

Go to the Puyallup Fair

Have a scary movie night

Pick pumpkins at the pumpkin patch

Carve pumpkins

Make caramel apples

Bake pumpkin pie

Got to a Seahawks Game

Make pumpkin chai fudge

And that's only the beginning! Fall is my favorite time of the year!!!!

Mason Jar Caprese Pasta Salad

Anything with basil, tomato and mozzarella has my name written all over it. (must be the Italian in me)

So, when thinking of lunch options, I knew I had to do something caprese!

Adding pasta was the perfect solution to making 3 ingredients into a satisfying, filling meal!

You Will Need:

1 Tbs Olive Oil

2 Tbs Balsamic Vinegarette

Salt/Pepper

1 Cup Grape Tomatoes

1/4 Cup Cubed Mozzarella

1 Cup Penne Pasta

Large Handful of Basil

One Step!

Layer all ingredients in order provided above. That's it!

This salad is so incredibly delicious! I love that it can be put together ahead of time and will stay fresh for day when stored in a mason jar. And because all the liquids are on bottom the basil doesn't get wilted and the mozzarella doesn't get gooey. When you're ready to eat it, all you have to do is shake the jar and  you're good to go! This is by far my new favorite grab and go lunch!

Blueberry Peach Smoothie

After getting my wisdom teeth out a few weeks ago, I was forced on an all liquid diet for a few days. It was a great excuse to make some yummy homemade smoothies and have far too many Frostys from Wendy's.

Luckily, the blueberry peach smoothie I made was a much healthier option than Frostys!

And with fresh peaches and blueberries readily available right now it's super convenient too!

You Will Need:
1 large peach, diced
1 cup blueberries
1 vanilla bean greek yogurt
1 tbsp vanilla extract
Splash milk

Blend and Enjoy!

Side Table Refinish

This adorable little side table was a freebie find on craigslist! It's in pretty good shape structurally and seems sturdy enough. The only issue with it was that it needed to be refinished. Um... for free I'm willing to do it!

This is what I was working with to start. The stain was splotchy, there were water marks and it was completely uneven.

 I started by sanding with fine grit sandpaper (220). This piece didn't have a top coat or anything so I wanted to make sure I didn't strip it too far down. 

The fine sandpaper worked perfectly and I was left with this medium colored wood.

To get an even coating without brush strokes I decided to apply my stain with a washcloth rather than a brush. (wearing gloves of course!) I made sure to only put a little bit on the washcloth at a time. I didn't want it go on splotchy. Working in small sections is key.

I prefer darker woods in my home so I used Dark Walnut by Minwax. As you can see, it was quite dark!

After letting it dry for a few hours I drilled a hole in the front of the drawer and added this cute little crystal knob! It looked like it was missing something and this totally did the trick!

I absolutely love the result! Even though I'm not pregnant yet, I've already planned to put it in the future nursery for a side table next to the glider. It's the perfect height and will be great for a little lamp.

This was such a cost effective project. The table was free, I already had the washcloth, gloves and stain so the total price was only $3 for the package of sandpaper! And, because I only used 1/2 of 1 of the 4 sheets, it really only cost me  about $.38! SCORE!