Monday, September 30, 2013

Difficult days for Miscarriage Survivors

As my expected due date drew nearer and nearer, my anxiety and depression grew more and more. September 21st. The day I was supposed to be due with our first child.

When somebody loses a loved one, others are sensitive to the fact that certain holidays and dates will be harder. But when a woman loses a baby most people don't realize there's certain dates that are hard for her too. I wanted to write this post to draw attention to a few of those tough dates that miscarriage survivors have to endure.

1. The day she originally found out she was pregnant.
 For me this is January 13th. It was the happiest day of my life (other than my wedding day) but now in the future it will always be a day that reminds me of what I've lost.

2. The day she found out she had lost her baby.
This one is two fold for me as I had a missed miscarriage. March 13th will always be a dark day as it was the day I found out I lost our baby. But equally as tough? The day I had my D&C (March 18th). There's no way to erase the pain of this day and year after year I will have to relive that pain over and over again.

3. Her expected due date.
The days leading up to the EDD are agonizing. September 21st was my EDD and I couldn't help but dread it. This is perhaps the worst day for a miscarriage survivor. Knowing that this was supposed to be the day you finally got to hold your baby in your arms is heartbreaking. This was supposed to be the day you finally got to meet your little one. Instead, you get to spend it alone, no longer pregnant and not holding your child.

4. Mother's Day.
When you're the mother to a child lost, people tend to forget that you are still a mother. Yes, I don't have my child here to hold but I still am a mother to a baby in heaven. This past Mother's day I spent the day thinking about what could have been. I spent the day being angry, depressed, jealous and a whole mess of emotions.

5. The day she finds out she's pregnant again.
There will be joy, elation and happiness for the child growing inside me... But also anxiety, panic and dread that I will lose this child too. Unfortunately, any future pregnancies I will experience will be leave me paralyzed with fear and longing for the child I've lost.

6. When she finds out a friend/loved one is pregnant.
This can only be described as bittersweet. On one had you feel completely over the moon happy for your friend/loved one, but at the same time you feel insanely jealous and depressed and wish it was you.

These are just a few examples of tough dates that miscarriage survivors encounter. It's different for every woman. Some women aren't bothered by certain dates, while others are.

This list is by no means all inclusive, but it does give a good idea of how often that pain can resurface. I hope this is will help remind those who haven't suffered a miscarriage that although healing does occur, some scars just don't go away. 

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Spicy Sausage Tortellini Soup

AKA My husband's new favorite soup! I adapted this recipe from Party In My Kitchen after finding it on Pinterest. This soup is so easy to make and it's super quick too. 

You can change it up to fit your tastes by adding more or less sausage and tortellini. (so for us, that means more meat to make it man friendly) 

You Will Need
One Pkg Spicy Italian Sausage
One Pkg Tortellini (approx 2-3 cups)
4 Cups Boiling Water
3 Chicken Boullion Cubes
1 Can Evaporated Milk 
1 1/2 Tbsp Oregano
1 1/2 Tbsp Chives
1 1/2 Tbsp  Parsley
Salt & Pepper

Step One: Brown Italian Sausage. (I like to use Johnsonville hot, but mild or medium is fine)

Step Two: Break up boullion cubes in bottom of soup pot. Add 4 cups boiling water to dissolve.

Step Three: Add sausage, evap. milk, oregano, chives, parsley, salt and pepper. Slowly bring to boiling. (approx 15-20 min)

Step Four: Once boiling, add tortellini and cook to pkg instructions. (7-9 min usually)

Step Five: Serve with fresh Parmesan.


Thursday, September 12, 2013

What I Wish I Knew Before I Was Married

John on our wedding day, September 7, 2012

When I walked down the aisle on my wedding day last September I had already lived with John for 4 1/2 years, been dating him for 5 years and known him for 7 years. 

I thought I knew everything there was to know about the man I was committing the rest of my life to.

I thought I knew every side of him and everything he had to offer me. 

But I was wrong.

In the first year of our marriage I have learned so much about John and he has shown me a side of him I've never even knew existed. 

I've always known John is caring, considerate, thoughtful and generous to a fault. But I never knew exactly how far it could go.

In our first year of marriage we have dealt with the joy of my first pregnancy, a devastating miscarriage, trying to conceive again, problems within our families, my parents splitting up, watching those we love dealing with cancer, addiction, depression, and every other kind of stress you can think of.

Through all of this my husband has remained a constant source of strength.

He almost always knows what to say to make me feel better (or at least calm me down).

He understands when it's the stress talking and not me.

He understands when I need to be held, when I need to be left alone and when I need to talk.

He is patient when I worry about the same things over and over.

He bases every decision upon what's best for us and our relationship.

He's constantly looking out for me and always gives me the best advice he can.

I wish I had known the first year of our marriage was going to be so rough for us emotionally and that John would be what got us through. Every day I feel more and more confident that we are meant to be together and can get through anything. (not that I didn't already know that though!)

I feel that if we can get through this first year of marriage and come out stronger, we can get through anything.
And more than anything, I feel so incredibly blessed to get to spend the rest of my life with John.

Fall 2007

Fall 2012
This past weekend John and I celebrated out first wedding anniversary with a quiet weekend away at the cabin at Lake Cushman. It was just us, the trees and peace and quiet... and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Monday, September 2, 2013

Fall Bucket List

Now that it's officially September I can post my Fall Bucket List!!! 
I'm so excited for fall to arrive!

Celebrate our first anniversary, September 7th!!!

Get lost in a corn maze

Got to a Huskies game

Host Thanksgiving

Make hot apple cider

Host a chili feed

Go hiking in the fall foliage

Drink tons of Pumpkin Lattes

Have a bon fire

Make pumpkin pancakes

Go to the Puyallup Fair

Have a scary movie night

Pick pumpkins at the pumpkin patch

Carve pumpkins

Make caramel apples

Bake pumpkin pie

Got to a Seahawks Game

Make pumpkin chai fudge

And that's only the beginning! Fall is my favorite time of the year!!!!