Monday, September 30, 2013

Difficult days for Miscarriage Survivors

As my expected due date drew nearer and nearer, my anxiety and depression grew more and more. September 21st. The day I was supposed to be due with our first child.

When somebody loses a loved one, others are sensitive to the fact that certain holidays and dates will be harder. But when a woman loses a baby most people don't realize there's certain dates that are hard for her too. I wanted to write this post to draw attention to a few of those tough dates that miscarriage survivors have to endure.

1. The day she originally found out she was pregnant.
 For me this is January 13th. It was the happiest day of my life (other than my wedding day) but now in the future it will always be a day that reminds me of what I've lost.

2. The day she found out she had lost her baby.
This one is two fold for me as I had a missed miscarriage. March 13th will always be a dark day as it was the day I found out I lost our baby. But equally as tough? The day I had my D&C (March 18th). There's no way to erase the pain of this day and year after year I will have to relive that pain over and over again.

3. Her expected due date.
The days leading up to the EDD are agonizing. September 21st was my EDD and I couldn't help but dread it. This is perhaps the worst day for a miscarriage survivor. Knowing that this was supposed to be the day you finally got to hold your baby in your arms is heartbreaking. This was supposed to be the day you finally got to meet your little one. Instead, you get to spend it alone, no longer pregnant and not holding your child.

4. Mother's Day.
When you're the mother to a child lost, people tend to forget that you are still a mother. Yes, I don't have my child here to hold but I still am a mother to a baby in heaven. This past Mother's day I spent the day thinking about what could have been. I spent the day being angry, depressed, jealous and a whole mess of emotions.

5. The day she finds out she's pregnant again.
There will be joy, elation and happiness for the child growing inside me... But also anxiety, panic and dread that I will lose this child too. Unfortunately, any future pregnancies I will experience will be leave me paralyzed with fear and longing for the child I've lost.

6. When she finds out a friend/loved one is pregnant.
This can only be described as bittersweet. On one had you feel completely over the moon happy for your friend/loved one, but at the same time you feel insanely jealous and depressed and wish it was you.

These are just a few examples of tough dates that miscarriage survivors encounter. It's different for every woman. Some women aren't bothered by certain dates, while others are.

This list is by no means all inclusive, but it does give a good idea of how often that pain can resurface. I hope this is will help remind those who haven't suffered a miscarriage that although healing does occur, some scars just don't go away. 

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