Saturday, July 20, 2013

Life After Miscarriage: Avoidance

Any lady out there who has experienced a miscarriage will know exactly what I mean when I say this: After a miscarriage, baby and pregnancy related stuff seems to everywhere

I can't seem avoid it. 

I feel like I'm being haunted and it follows me everywhere.
I turn on Friends looking for some comic relief. It's an episode where Rachel is pregnant. Or one where Phoebe is pregnant. Or one where Monica is dealing with her fertility struggles.

I turn on a childhood favorite, Full House. That show ought to be some good clean fun, right? Nope. I happen to tune into an episode where Becky is pregnant with the twins. 

I log into Facebook (knowing this could happen) and somebody posts a picture of their baby bump. Or somebody announces their pregnancy. Of course I'm happy for these women but I also struggle with wanting to throw my computer across the room.

Head over to Pinterest for some DIY ideas and maybe a sinful recipe or two. What shows up in my home feed? Nursery ideas, maternity photo ideas, baby articles and on and on.

Decided to watch a movie one afternoon waiting for my husband to get home. Awwww... Marley & Me, a movie about a family and their dog. I can watch this! This movie came out in 2009... I randomly decide to watch it 4 years later not knowing there's a scene where Jenifer Aniston's character finds out she has had a missed miscarriage. This scene is almost exactly the way I found out. (Except my husband wasn't there with me). Cue sobbing for the next hour.  Of course.

Same thing happened the other night when I tried to watch What to Expect When You're Expecting. I thought it was going to be a fun comedy about women going through their first pregnancy together. But of course, there's a miscarriage scene. (I know, I know. I shouldn't be watching any movies like this right now, but I thought it was a straight up comedy!)


And all this is just from the comfort of my own home...

Go out into the real world. Um... Now I'm faced with real life preggos everywhere, right in front of me.

I started my new job recently. One of my first days they had me shadow an employee at the call center so I could see what they do. Who do I happen to get put with? The woman my age who's expecting her first child. She was wonderful and super cool, but it was awful to listen to her talk about her baby and see her pregnant belly. She was the ONLY pregnant woman working at our call center, and of course, I was put with her!

My second week I get put at a branch to shadow a coworker. Who is her manager? Another adorable pregnant woman. I spent a whole week with this woman fighting feelings of jealously and sadness. I truly adored the woman, but it still hard for me, even 4 months later.

Life just seems to be an emotional roller coaster that I came seem to get off of.

Avoidance doesn't work. It's inescapable.


  1. I saw your pin on Pinterest that led me to your blog.

    I just wanted to tell you to hang in there. I had a missed miscarriage last May at 10 weeks, followed by a D and C in June. I stupidly watched WTEWYE at the movies shortly after my miscarriage. I left bawling. Basically, what I'm trying to say is that I could have written your post last year, especially as my EDD approached in December.

    I really wanted to thank you for writing about this. For expressing your feelings. There weren't many people talking about m/c when I lost my little one. I spent hours and hours googling, searching for pins on pinterest, etc. Anything that would help lend support. I think this post will help more people than you know. Even though I am pregnant again now, I still mourn the loss of my December baby. I see sweet 7 and 8 month babies out in public and get so sad.

    I hope that as each day passes, the pain eases a little bit. Just know that your baby loved you.

    1. Thank you so much for your words of comfort Jordan. I'm so happy you found my blog and it impacted at least one person. I just wish you could have found some more support back when you were seeking it.

      You are totally right though... there isn't much out there on miscarriage and even less on missed miscarriages. I hadn't even heard of one before it happened to me. I'm so sorry for your loss and the pain you've gone through.

      Thank you so much for reading and stopping by to comment. Congratulations on your little one on the way!

  2. I too, saw a pin on Pinterest which led me here. First of all, I just want to say I'm so sorry for your loss.

    This is exactly what I needed to see or read today. I miscarried 5 months ago and am still having a really hard time. I don't think we will ever get over it, but I'm hoping that it gets easier to cope with. When it first happened it was so so painful, but it seemed to get a tiny bit better as months passed. For some reason, the past 3 weeks have been extremely hard for me...most likely because the due date is approaching. Plus, like you seems like babies, pregnant women, bellies, etc. are everywhere. We are still TTC, hoping it will happen soon! The first few months after my miscarriage, the only thing that really helped me was distance from family/friends and starting the whole TTC thing again. It seemed like family/friends said all the "wrong" things like you mentioned in your other post about what not say to a miscarriage survivor.

    Hang in there, and thank you again!

    1. I'm so sorry for your loss Brianna. I definitely understand what you're going through. It seems to come in waves for me. Some days (or weeks) are harder than others. I too am worrying about my upcoming EDD. I know that date will be rough no matter what.

      I'm so glad you found my blog and it was what you needed to read. Sometimes just reading others' stories makes me feel better. I don't think "better" is the right word, but it's nice to hear others' thoughts and realize I'm not alone and there are others out there feeling what I feel.

      Thank you so much for reading!

  3. I found you through pinterest and I had to write and tell you that I am so very sorry. I started miscarrying last Thursday and had to fly out the next day for a destination wedding, where I was matron of honor. I sat next to a pregnant woman and was surrounded by 6 babies on the plane....then a woman announced her pregnancy at our table the day of the wedding. Then, bless Kate Middleton...but really?!? The most exciting birth in our lifetime and it just made me want to crawl in bed! I will be following you and praying for your journey. You and your husband are a beautiful couple :) Lots of love and good wishes your way :)

    1. Oh no... I am so sorry!!! Doesn't it just feel like the hits keep on coming? I know exactly how you feel and I feel for you, I really do. And of course, with the royal baby it really IS all baby talk ALL the time! What horrible timing!

      You made me tear up thinking about how awful those first few weeks are. I promise, it really does get easier. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but eventually the pain starts to subside. I wish you all the very best and i pray for you. Thank you for following!

  4. I just found out two days ago on what was supposed to be an extremely exciting day, that my baby had no heartbeat. I feel like I'm in a fog. I've never felt pain like this. Since its a missed miscarriage, it still doesn't seem real. Thank you for your post. It is nice to know other people feel the same. Thank you.

    1. I am so, so sorry! I almost feel a missed miscarriage is even more tough because you didn't realize anything was wrong. I definitely understand how you feel and it honestly does take some time for it to feel "real". (It felt "final" for me once I had my D&C)

      I'm glad you found my blog and I hope it brought you a tiny bit of comfort. Thank you so much for reading. I'm praying for you.