Disclaimer: If my friends/family feel they might have said one of these things to me, please don't feel guilty. I know nobody said anything to be malicious and purposely hurt my feelings during this difficult time.
What NOT to say to a Miscarriage Survivor
At least you weren’t very far along. It doesn’t matter how far long I was, it was still a loss. This makes the grieving mother feel as if you are diminishing her grief. Many mothers have already built a connection with their baby even if they are still in the first trimester.
You’ll get pregnant again/ You can try again. I know that. But I wanted THIS baby. Telling a grieving mother this is of no help. The goal is not just getting pregnant, it’s actually having a baby.
Did you hear So and So is pregnant?! Of course I heard. I have access to facebook too. Please remember to be sensitive around those who have lost. This does not mean you can’t talk about anything baby related, it just means to do so with tact.
When are you trying again? If I wanted to share this with you I’d bring it up. Please don’t ask nosy questions. Most women will only share with you what they feel comfortable with. Please do not put grieving women on the spot to answer your questions, especially if you have never experienced the loss of a child yourself.
You’re young. It will happen for you. No sh** Sherlock. I know I’m young and can get pregnant again. This does not change the fact that I’m still grieving and you can't just replace one baby with another.
At least you weren’t as far along as So and So when she miscarried. Please don’t make me feel as my grief should be less than somebody else’s. Yes, somebody in their 2nd or 3rd trimester was able to build that bond with their baby longer, but that does not mean I should feel any less sad.
God must have wanted that baby more than you did. Yes folks, these exact words were said to me. I know what the person meant. But, wrong delivery. NOBODY wanted this baby more than me. Period.
While I hope that nobody you know ever has to go through the pain of a miscarriage, I know that realistically, 1 in 4 women will experience a miscarriage in her life. Hopefully, this post will help you to be more sensitive if a friend/family member of yours does experience a loss. Stay tuned for tomorrow's post What To Say to a Miscarriage Survivor.
Please remember, these are my personal reflections and every woman grieves differently.